Dear Blake,
We visit my 80 year old grandmother out of state once a year. After our visits, I usually leave feeling defeated. A few reasons why:
She leaves multiple notes around ”reminding” us to clean up after ourselves. There’s a note in the shower that says, ”Please wipe down shower walls after use.” She asks me to change the sheets or launder our towels before I leave. Although she has decorative paper hand towels in the bathrooms, she asks us not to use them because they are ”too expensive.” She complains about my son’s handprints on her windows (he’s 2). She badmouths nearly everyone she knows, has unsolicited advice on everything and is generally highly judgmental. Must we continue spending big bucks to go out there every year, or can we just send pictures and call often?
Signed, Mary
From Portland, Oregon
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Dear Mary,
A grandmother getting visits from her grandchildren will almost always put a smile on their faces. But if in return, she makes you miserable, avoid that cranky battle-axe like the plague! Based on the ridiculous notes she leaves around the house, when you’re about to leave, hand her a bill for maid services, and tell her you won’t come back until it’s paid in full. Calling her and texting is a lot cheaper. And at her age, hopefully she has arthritis and her fingers won’t allow her to send lengthy messages. Don’t use Skype, because she might see something in your home or even your make-up that she feels compelled to criticize, which may cause you to punch the screen. If you want her to understand how you feel, tell her to either change her attitude, or you’ll make sure the next time you visit her, she’ll be chained to a bed in a nursing home. However, I know family is really important to some people. So I would suggest that you continue your visits and try to be tolerant of her behavior, but only after you have established her net worth, and if that old bat plans on leaving you a dime when she croaks. I hope this helps.
Blake