Dear Blake,
I have been reading your advice column for quite some time, and I have noticed that everyone who writes you has major problems and are unhappy with their lives. I couldn’t imagine existing under those terms. I am a stay at home housewife. My husband is a successful businessman that owns four western apparel stores in the city where we live, and five more in other parts of the state. I have also been blessed with three 14 year old boys… triplets. I have such a charmed life, and I’m happy to say that I am nothing like the others that have written to you.
Signed, Andorra
From Helena, Montana
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Dear Andorra,
After you stated what businesses your husband owns and you have triplets, it was easy to determine who you are, and my friend who is a private detective actually did some research on your life. I hope you’re sitting down, because I have news for you… your life is not charmed. The business that your husband owns is currently going under, and the feds are currently investigating him for embezzling and his ties to organized crime. Your triplets didn’t tell you, but on the last day of school before it closed for the summer, all three of them were expelled for making crystal-meth in their chemistry class. By the time you read my response, you probably would’ve found out that everything I have stated is true, and you’re probably heavily sedated, on a 24 hour suicide watch. One other thing, your husband has drained your personal bank account, and used your funds to make a down payment on a new Corvette for his mistress. If you don’t believe me, call his pregnant secretary who is currently carrying your triplets’ stepbrother. Finally, can you do me favor? Can you get back with me and tell me why Montana is called “the big sky state”? No rush, I can wait until the doctors have reduce your amount of medication, assuming your sanity returns. I hope this helps.
Blake