Dear Blake,
I am a single mom with three young children. I have been dating the same guy for a couple of years, and we plan on getting married next year. Here’s the problem. My kids are not very demonstrative, but my fiancé’s family is. They dread it every time we hang out with his family because they are all “huggers”. My children hate their displays of affection, and beg me every time to leave them with a sitter, or anyone. I know there’s an old saying, that “you can’t pick your in-laws”. I don’t know what to do. Please advise.
Signed, Roberta
From Dallas, Texas
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Dear Roberta,
Affectionate people versus non-affectionate people can create some very awkward moments. I think something should be done to prevent this invasion of personal space, including mild violence. Tell your children, every time those kooks hug them, to stomp on their toes, and then laugh hysterically after doing it. They’ll get the nonverbal message, and will be content to settle for just a handshake after that. Another deterrent for your kids to get them to back off, is for them to embrace them with jagged fingernails, digging them deep into any uncovered skin. You can also encourage your kids to reach for their valuables when they are up close and personal, including watches, rings, and wallets. Gaining the reputation as thieves could also benefit them, by a drastic reduction in invitations extended to you and your kids from their family. This might also work. Have your kids hang the clothes they plan on wearing when they see your extended family, next to an open bag of fertilizer for a few hours. This idea will create a barrier, along with accompanying flies. Unfortunately, here is something you might not have considered. Maybe your in-laws are really ugly… including your fiancé. And your kids are secretly trying to stop you from marrying him, to prevent you from having a child by their hideous looking stepfather. If that’s the case, don’t hold it against them and try to understand their motive. Children are very superficial, and they would be simply trying to avoid getting picked on and ridiculed, simply because they have a sibling that appears to be 50% goblin. I hope this helps.
Blake