Dear Blake,
I am a freshman in high school, and a guy that I have liked since last year, finally asked me out this year. Neither of us are allowed to date and he’s tall and sweet. His parents are strict and we don’t have classes together. Then there’s this nerd cutie who I can talk to a lot and is really nice personality wise, he’s interested in me. The only thing is, I like taller guys and he’s roughly the same height as me. I don’t know what to do.
Signed, Clara
From Knoxville, Tennessee
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Dear Clara,
First of all, you should be flattered that both of them at minimum, have a crush on you. The downside is, young male teenagers always find it difficult to focus, and more than likely, whichever one you choose, will eventually dump you like yesterday’s trash. Tall guys have the well-deserved reputation of dragging girls by the hair comparable like cartoon cavemen. If you decide that he is going to be your boyfriend, then always keep with you some hats and wigs, so you can hide the gashes in your scalp caused by your locks getting yanked out. If he’s over 6’2” and is a star player on the basketball team, you must accept the possibility of him having several illegitimate children with mostly cheerleaders before he becomes a senior. Under the assumption that your nerdy admirer is pretty intelligent, that brings on its own set of problems. When angry, he could probably use large words that you’ve never even heard of before, to verbally rip you to pieces. Because nerds usually got picked on and beat up a lot, he might want to “even the score”, and you might be the recipient of his misguided wrath prompted by past injustices. But at 14, you’re too young to be in a serious relationship. I suggest that you wait at least ten years. By that that time you can find a man that you’ll be deeply in love with and you’ll marry, that you highly value and respect, and that you know you’ll learn to get along with for the sake of the kids after a expensive bitter divorce. I hope this helps.
Blake