Dear Blake,
Every year, my husband and I ask our young kids to hand out the presents, but I can’t get them to take their time. They run around giving all of the gifts out at once and then eagerly tear into their own. The rest of us are still opening, but the kids have long since opened all of their gifts and are now pouting – waiting and whining for more. How can I get them to slow down and enjoy the experience?”
Signed, Sally
From Norfolk, Virginia
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Dear Sally,
Kids will always be very eager to open up their gifts on Christmas. But that doesn’t mean your selfish little brats have the right to ruin the experience for everyone else! Tell them that if they open their gifts too fast, Santa Claus will come later that night and take half of their presents away, and then loot the college fund that you regrettably set up. How about this, you can make the gifts more difficult to open. Instead of ribbons and bows and pretty paper for those ingrates, use duct tape and other professional packing materials. Their little fingers will be raw by the time they breached the nearly impenetrable fortresses containing their toys. If you want to seal them the way you usually do, tell them to unwrap them very slowly, because the type of paper you’re using will explode if you remove it too quickly. And then show them some pictures of homes that were blown apart in some war torn part of the world, and allege the blast was caused by kids opening their gifts too aggressively on Christmas Day. And if none of those ideas appeal to you consider this idea. Every toy that you buy them, disassemble it, and then wrap each piece individually. This can change 15 gifts to nearly 1000. So don’t be surprised that come New Year’s Eve, they’ll still be opening up their presents feeling irritated and frustrated, and they just might ask you for a sip of champagne or some other alcohol, to help them calm their nerves. I hope this helps.
Blake