Dear Blake,
I’m a woman working for a software startup. We are all millennials. I really enjoy my job, except for this: Picture a group of (all male) software developers shooting Nerf guns at each other, with Nerf darts whistling past you, hitting windows, office equipment and other employees. There is nowhere to physically “hide” from these battles. Only a few higher-ups have offices. I’m caught in the crossfire on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis and have gotten hit by darts multiple times. If it’s somewhere below my neck, it doesn’t bother me as much. But recently I was hit in the back of the head. I just think this goes beyond normal workplace fun, and is a huge distraction. Am I overreacting here, or do I have valid concerns?
Signed, April
From San Jose, California
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Dear April,
It’s unfortunate that you have to deal with some co-workers that are distracting you from being productive. What I recommend for you to do, is to change the rules of engagement, and declare war on all of the imbeciles. The next time you get hit, retaliate by using a slingshot that shoots marbles. Those guys will get the message after you leave enough dents in their foreheads. Let one of those darts go down the front of your blouse, and then threaten to sue the company if they don’t fire the culprit, plus try to get him registered as a sex offender. Let them use their sponge darts, but you should start using some real darts. If any of them objects to your projectiles, refer to it as acupuncture, and if they don’t like it, accuse them of being bigots toward the Chinese. On the other hand, maybe you should play along with them and make it a fun work environment so the next time you come to work bring a super soaker. I think it would be funny if you sprayed their laptop after they spent hours on an important project, destroying what they accomplished. And it will be even funnier if you hosed them down while they were typing, with the hopes that they’ll get electrocuted. Definitely record it and put it on Youtube, but don’t forget to delete it before the beginning of your murder trial. I hope this helps.
Blake