Dear Blake,
I’m only 12 years old, but for as far back as I can remember and for reasons that aren’t entirely clear to me, my mother has always disliked Mother’s Day. She tells us not to get her anything, but I give her a gift and a card anyway. Here’s my question: Should I take her at her word and ignore Mother’s Day this year?
Signed, Ronnie
From Columbus, Ohio
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Dear Ronnie,
Always honor you mother on Mother’s Day, no matter what she says. By not doing so, you can put yourself in an unenviable position as the victim of her subtle wrath. There could be a variety of reasons why she says don’t get her anything. One of the reasons could be that you are such an awful shopper, that she doesn’t want to waste her time throwing it away, or giving it to someone else as a gag gift. You also risk getting her so angry in regards to your stupid shopping ability, that she prepares you a “special” lunch you’ll take to school, which results in you getting your stomach pumped. It’s even possible that it may not be directly your fault, but your mother could be still be trying to adjust to the fact that your father was not her first choice to marry, crying herself to sleep every night, only comforted by the thought of committing the perfect murder. But it’s entirely possible that Mother’s Day will come and go without incident. However, I would be concerned if I were you if you find some pamphlets in the house that your mother acquired on the maximum age a child can be sent to orphanage an…unless you’re sent to juvenile detention, after she figures out a way to pin your father’s untimely death… on you. I hope this helps.
Blake