Dear Blake,
My son, “Jimmy,” is 8. His father and I are divorced, and he is facing jail time. Jimmy sees him every other weekend. I’m planning on telling Jimmy the truth, although I’m sure his dad will want me to lie and say he needs to “work out of town” for a while, or something like that. I know it will be hard for my boy to deal with. I also wonder what he should tell other people. I worry that if he tells his friends the truth (and they tell their parents), Jimmy might not be invited over to play quite as often, or kids will tease him. But I feel like it’s sending a mixed message if I tell him it’s OK to lie about this particular issue. How should I handle this?
Signed, Louise
From, Chicago, Illinois
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Dear Louise,
It’s unfortunate that your son won’t be able to see his father for a while. On the other hand, this reduces the time your son can be trained to be a career criminal like that loser you were married to. Here’s my advice. Tell your son that his dad is very patriotic, and he left to “serve” his country. You shouldn’t be concerned about what other people think, because if you live in Chicago, almost all of the fathers there have spent plenty of time in jail. How about telling your son that your ex is going to a men’s retreat that is so important, the state is picking up the entire tab. Or, try to convince him that his father is an undercover agent for the FBI, and he wants to see some of the flaws in the prison system first hand. But there is a silver lining in your gloomy sky. By using the stupidity of your former spouse to your advantage, you can secure your son’s future. If only you know why he’s going to the slammer, you ought to spread a rumor at his school, that your ex is on death row because of what he did to a teacher that forced your little boy to takes tests, give him homework, and did not give him an “A” every time. And your ex-husband’s bigger and meaner brothers are now doing all of his dirty work. If you keep this rumor going around long enough, your son’s grades will allow him to attend any school he wants, on an academic scholarship. Which do you think he’ll choose, Harvard or Yale? I hope this helps.
Blake