Dear Blake,
A few years ago, my two BFFs had milestone birthdays within a few weeks of each other. Wanting to do something special, I splurged for a weekend in Vegas for the three of us. I bought first-class plane tickets, high-end hotel rooms, spa appointments, the best seats at a show, and paid for all our meals — including dinner at an expensive steak house. While I could afford it, the weekend cost me several thousand dollars. Fast-forward a couple of years to my milestone birthday. One of them sent me a card, and they split the tab for my lunch at a fast-food restaurant. There were promises of something more special to come. While I didn’t expect the extravagant experience I gave them (our financial situations are different), I thought they might plan lunch or dinner at a nice restaurant. Since then, nothing more has been said or done. This was a couple of years ago, and I still can’t let go of my hurt and disappointment. We’ve been friends for more than 20 years, but I’m thinking of ending the relationships. Every time I see them, I wonder if our friendship is one-sided. How can I get past this?
Signed, Wendell
From Portland, Oregon
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Dear Wendell,
Ending 20 year relationships just like that, because you felt hurt and slighted is not wise. However, getting even with them for the way the treated and then ending the relationships is very wise! Here are some ideas. Act like nothing is wrong and plan for their next milestone birthday weekend, one they will never forget. For instance, go to South Korea, and convince them to cross over to North Korea where you’ll allege they have a lot of discounted and free stuff for Americans. Go mountain climbing with them, making sure they are roped together, and then connect them to an anvil, and throw it over a cliff. For inspiration on this, check out some Wile E. Coyote/Roadrunner cartoons. But my favorite idea is to take them to Death Valley… in July. Talk them into going camping outside of the one the hottest cities on earth. And in the middle of the night, get in the car and leave, taking all of the water with you. Text them later in the morning from a five star hotel with an “lol”. They will probably text you back rather than call, because people that are literally dying of thirst often find it difficult to speak. I hope this helps.
Blake