Dear Blake,
I read your hilarious advice column every weekend. I also love “Life through Blake’s eyes…” and I never miss reading that one either. On weekdays, I don’t leave my house heading for work without checking out the daily articles in the “Breaking News” section. I’d like to know more about you though. I saw your picture on the home page (About the Editor), and if you’re single, I’d like to meet you. How about it?
Signed, Barbara
from Chicago, Illinois
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Dear Barbara,
I’m flattered, but I would never meet you. I grew up in Chicago, and almost every woman I ever met out there, either had an extensive criminal past, or dated someone who was very active in one of the city’s countless gangs. However, because you regularly come to this website, it suggests to me that you are more than likely mentally unbalanced and probably emotionally unpredictable. I am willing to come and visit you in your padded room provided that I have adequate security and/or you’re properly restrained. You have a choice, I can come and see you in the mornings as you’re being spoon fed your oatmeal and strained vegetables, or any evening when the facility you’re being held in, is playing peaceful serene music, as you rock back and forth in a common area, drooling while weaving baskets. I hope this helps.
Blake