Dear Blake,
My co-worker and supposed friend asked if she could borrow my wedding dress because she thought it was so beautiful. I was thrilled to lend it to her and I paid for the alterations ($200 plus) as her wedding present. I accompanied her to her fittings and helped her plan her wedding for approximately 100 friends and family. The kicker: My husband and I were not invited to the wedding, and when she returned my gown, it had lipstick on it and cake down the front. It wasn’t even in a bag — she just handed it to me. What should I think about this?
Signed, Franny
From Frankfurt
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Dear Franny,
What your so-called friend did, was disrespectful and wrong. In my opinion, you should feel obligated to destroy her marriage, or at the least, get her fired. Ok, here are some ideas for your consideration. Send an anonymous letter to her boss stating that she plans to quit soon, because she think her boss’s stupidity might be contagious. Or, spread a rumor that your former friend is under surveillance by the police and FBI, because she has some secret plans of murdering an unnamed co-worker. And to ruin her marriage, try one of these. You can tell the town blabber mouth, that your friend told you that the only reason she got married to her husband, because she bet one of her friends $50,000 that she would tie the knot with the biggest loser in the state of Kentucky. And finally tell her husband that your “friend” has been secretly in love with another man for years, and she plans on filing for a divorce after her true love returns from overseas, fighting for ISIS. And to further enhance the lie, tell him that his wife plans to get married again in the same dress you loaned her, as soon as your friend can figure out how to modify the wedding dress, into a strapless suicide gown. I hope this helps.
Blake