Dear Blake,
My wife and I have a disagreement about when a person should be allowed to get up from the table. We have an 8-month-old son whom we both want to grow up to have good manners. My wife was raised to stay seated and be excused only after everyone is finished eating — holding everyone hostage until the last person is finished and extending dinnertime up to an hour or more. I was raised to ask to be excused after I was finished, but was welcome to stay and socialize if I liked. In my opinion, dinner should last about 30 minutes. I agree that coming to the table and leaving after 10 minutes is rude because the cook has taken great care to prepare the meal and may feel insulted if the diner gets up too quickly. Your thoughts.
Signed, Alfred
From Biloxi, Mississippi
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Dear Alfred,
Sitting down for a meal while interacting with friends and family has always been an important human tradition. But feeling as if a person has to stay there once they’re full, is equally insensitive as it is idiotic. Suppose the food tasted awful, and the person wants to leave the table before that swill settles in their stomach? What happens if a person gets an important phone call? Should they step away and take it, or ignore it and remain in the presence of you two losers? If I was there, and wasn’t allowed to leave, I would nod off and start snoring, and then wake up screaming about a couple that tortured people by way of stupid dining rules. However, if your dumb tradition was that important to you and your spouse, I would remain sitting, per your house rules. And if I knew about them ahead of time, a few hours before I arrived, I’d eat a couple of cans of beans, and then wait on the affects. I assure you, before people finished eating, everyone will excuse themselves from the table, and probably the house. I hope this helps.
Blake