Dear Blake,
I reconnected with a guy from high school five months ago. We started hanging out and eventually decided to start dating. The first month or so was great, but right away he started becoming very possessive and jealous. It has been four months, and he is constantly accusing me of being sneaky and cheating, when all I do is work and go home. I don’t have a social life anymore because he doesn’t trust me to go anywhere alone. I can’t even talk on the phone to one of my girlfriends without him asking me a million and one questions. My friends and family tell me I need to do what’s best for me and leave him, but I’m not sure if I’m scared to leave him because I’ll be alone, or if I’m just scared of him.
Signed, Arlene
From Soda Springs, Idaho
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Dear Arlene,
Insecure and suspicious men usually act the way you described your boyfriend. But if you are afraid of ending the relationship, then turn the tables on him and you become so demanding and controlling that he’ll want to put some miles between you, if not light years. Here are some things you can do. Limit the amount of sports he can watch to one hour per day, so he’ll have to decide if he wants to watch the beginning of a game or the end. If he objects, then take a sledge hammer to the wide screen. Or this. Every day when he walks in the door, demand his cell phone. And then make your man explain every call he sent and received, while taking a polygraph, including the ones you made to him. Have a dress code before dining or threaten to refuse to cook. Tell him for lunch and dinner he has to wear a suit and tie, and for breakfast he has to wear a costume of one of the Marvel super heroes. But if none of those work, try this. Ask him questions on a variety of subjects that you know he doesn’t know the answer to. Such as, you want to know the exact number of stars in a neighboring galaxy, or to tell you the shoe size of every passenger that lost their life on the Titanic. When he says that he doesn’t know, start banging your head against the wall while you’re calling 911 as you yell for him to stop hurting you. With a little luck, after dashing to his car, he won’t run anyone over as he speeds down the street terrified and confused. I hope this helps.
Blake