Dear Blake,
I’m a young woman who, for years, went to my aunt and uncle’s house for Thanksgiving. Every year, my aunt has made the turkey and the sides, and my uncle has done the cleanup. I appreciate their hosting every year, but I’d like to find a way to be able to help. I have offered to clean, but my uncle insists I enjoy myself. I’ve brought dessert, but my aunt bakes a wonderful cake every year. I’ve tried to help in the kitchen, but she gently tells me to have fun. What’s a way I could give to my family?
Signed, Andrea
From Pontiac, Michigan
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Dear Andrea,
So far, your aunt and uncle has rejected your offer to help. The only thing I can suggest is for you to do some things that will put them in a position where they are practically begging for your help. Here are some ideas. Start a food fight and make certian it gets really messy. I assure you, your uncle will request your assistance after his arm gets tired from him scraping cranberry sauce off the ceiling. Or this one. Learn the Heimlich maneuver and inform everyone that you took lessons. And if you see someone choking, while everyone is panicking, start texting on your phone completely ignoring the gasping victim turning blue, until either your uncle or aunt asks you nicely to save the person’s life. Many college football games are played on Thanksgiving Day, and if you have enough people there, you’ll have two different people pulling for opposing teams. Try to get tempers to flair between family members after a bad call on the field, until it’s about to come to blows. And when you step in as peacemaker, your aunt and uncle will want you there in the future, to prevent a relative from getting charged with manslaughter. But if you really want to be endeared, tell them months in advance that you want to supply the turkey. And while everyone is dining, play a video of you catching and strangling the exact same turkey that they are consuming. Hopefully, if are there are any young children there, laugh maniacally, and then tell them not to get out of line when you’re around… or else. I hope this helps.
Blake