Dear Blake,
May I educate your readers about a little-known disorder called misophonia? It means “hatred of sound,” and it can cause rage or panic. Misophonia is triggered by sounds such as breathing, eating, yawning, chewing or whistling. It can also be caused by a repetitive motion, such as when someone is fidgeting, jostles you or taps their foot continuously. I suffer from this disorder. How do I make people understand this is a real disorder that causes me physical pain and duress?
Signed, Shawn
From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
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Dear Shawn,
We all have our quirks about the little things that really irritate us. In your case, the issues you have strongly suggests to me that you’re more than likely legally insane. But to make sure I’m on the right track, let me ask a few questions. Does it upset you when you’re on the road, and you see other cars that are constantly moving, and you feel that the sole purpose they are out there is to get on your nerves and show you their tail lights? When you see people dancing rhythmically really in a groove, does it make you want to take baseball bat to their kneecaps, especially the black ones? If you work in a office and you see one of your co-workers typing on a computer, do you fantasize about removing the keys, and force feeding them to the person that appears to be intentionally doing their job just to aggravate you? Here is my advice for you. What you need is a job in place where the people around you are quiet with little to no movement. So I suggest that you seek employment on the graveyard shift at the city morgue. And if while at work your hear movement that’s not yours, start running like your pants are on fire, before you get caught, torn to pieces, and consumed by a zombie that’s exiting one of those freezer drawers. I hope this helps.
Blake