Dear Blake,
I am a licensed acupuncturist. One of my patients (also male) asked me to dinner, and since he seemed like a decent guy, I decided to go. After we finished and the $60 bill arrived, he told me he had forgotten his wallet and I needed to pay, which I did. He asked me out again the next week. I figured everyone deserves a second chance, so I said yes. Well, this time he took me to a more expensive restaurant and — guess what? He forgot his wallet again. This time it cost me $90. After dinner we went for a walk by the water and, when he tried to give me a hug, he knocked my only pair of glasses into the river. I don’t know if it was pre-planned or not, but because I had driven to his house, he knew I wouldn’t be able to legally drive home without my glasses. This forced me to spend the night at his house. That I am able to retell this story means I survived that night, but what do you think? Does this guy sound like a loser or what?
Signed, Francis
From Cleveland, Ohio
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Dear Francis,
It appears to me that he’s taking advantage of you financially. But there are some steps you can take to neutralize this predatorial freeloader. Here are some ideas. If he asks you out to dinner again, also recommend a movie, but eat before you leave your house. While he is at the restaurant call him and tell him to order for himself, because you are running late and you’ll meet him at the theater. If he says he’ll just meet you at the theater, then you should stay home, because he probably “forgot” his wallet again. Or, you can tell him that you want to have a picnic in the park, and tell him to call you when he’s on his way, but only after he picks up the food. If he doesn’t call, then stay home because he “forgot” his wallet again. Since he already conned you out of two dinners totaling $150, you should try to get that back. Tell him you’ll make him a fancy dinner with expensive wine, providing he pays for all the groceries. If he agrees, then tell him to give you $153. And after you pocket the $150, show up at his place, and tell him that you have to cancel to deal with a personal matter, and then hand him a can of pork & beans and a Pepsi that you bought with the additional $3. But the worst thing he did was manipulate you into spending the night at his place. If you were convinced that it was planned ahead, you should’ve performed some acupuncture on him while he was sleeping, using a hammer and some rusty nails. Even if you would’ve gotten arrested and went on trial, there is no way you would get convicted, as long as there is at least one woman sitting on the jury. I hope this helps.
Blake