Dear Blake,
My daughter says that if I send a wedding gift of money to the bride and groom even though we weren’t invited, it would make the bride feel guilty for not including me/us. My daughter and the bride have been friends and sports teammates for 25 years. We watched her grow up into a fine person. She had a small, backyard wedding, and we completely understood and agreed with her decision to not invite us. What is the proper etiquette on this topic?
Signed, Sharon
From Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
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Dear Sharon,
I hope you don’t feel slighted or snubbed by your daughter’s friend. According to my version of proper etiquette, “fake” friends should be given “fake” gifts. Here are some ideas. Give her a phony gift certificate to a non-existent new restaurant that serves her favorite food. And make sure the bogus address is in a really rough part of town that’s so bad, cars sometimes get stripped while waiting for the stoplight to change. Most married couples need linen, so you could consider sending her some linen that you got from a homeless shelter, and tell her you didn’t wash them because you aren’t sure what detergent she normally uses. Married couples first starting off always needs cash, so send her a couple thousand dollars… in counterfeit bills, and during her trial in a federal court, ask her if she wants you to print out some more cash to help pay her legal fees. But sometimes, honesty is the best policy. How about calling her and tell her how you feel, baring your soul. And if she seems indifferent to that, ask her if she invited to the wedding, her new husband’s pregnant mistress, and then hang up. I hope this helps.
Blake