Dear Blake,
My father recently purchased a truck for our farm. It’s old and in poor shape, but it was worth the $2,000 he paid for it. The truck was fine until my father used it to pick me and my siblings up from school. When the other kids saw the bumperless truck, they began calling my little brother “Farmer Boy” and made cow noises at us. My mother isn’t OK with it either. He picked her up from work in it, which embarrassed her in front of her co-workers. It’s not like we don’t have other vehicles. Both my parents have nice, functional cars. Please help me figure out a way to tell my dad without hurting his feelings.
Signed, Olivia
From Billings, Montana
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Dear Olivia,
I think it’s great that your father has a vehicle that fits the purpose he bought it for. But if he’s embarrassing the family, I think you should get together with your mother and brother… and figure out a way to humiliate him. Here are some ideas. When his friends come over, always be wearing some raggedy clothes. If he says he prefers that you wear nice clothes around his buddies, accuse him of being a hypocrite, and say you wish you were put up for adoption at birth. Tell your little brother to stop bathing, and he could tell your father that he didn’t ruin the stankin’ interior of his beat up truck, with some fresh smells. Tell your mother that if your dad wants to project that your family is poor, then she should do the same thing, by exclusively preparing food from a kettle in the backyard, while playing an harmonica. But if your father still insists on driving that hunk of junk, this what you should do. Remove the lug nuts from all four wheels. It will be just a matter of time before they all come over and destroy the vehicle. Hopefully he won’t be going too fast when it happens, or he will be riding in a really nice car… called a hearse. I hope this helps.
Blake