Dear Blake,
My husband recently had routine surgery for a hernia. While he was sleeping during his recovery, I thought about what a pathetic husband he was, and I called a divorce lawyer from his hospital room. And then I took my three kids, and moved in with my mother across town. Do you think I did the right thing?
Signed, Cindy
From Milwaukee, Wisconsin
* * * * * * * *
Dear Cindy,
It is always sad when two people who once promised to love each other forever, end their marriage. But to answer your question, no, you completely mishandled the situation. If you knew ahead of time that he was going to be having surgery, you should have made your plans to leave this loser weeks ago, not spontaneously. For starters, you should have had a yard sale for all of his possessions the same day he went into surgery, and then cleaned out the bank account(s). If at all possible, even if you had to forge his signature, to transfer all the bills into his name. To have some financial security, you should have taken out a healthy life insurance policy on him. And then did something creative, like while he slept in the hospital bed, to wheel him to an empty elevator shaft and at the laws of gravity take over. Or, to let your young children playfully jump and down on a pillow, that you were holding securely over his face. And while the police were conducting their investigation, you can cash in on the insurance policy, and then move to another country that hopefully does not have an extradition agreement with the United States. I hope this helps.
Blake