Dear Blake,
I am a well known home builder in California, and I have built many mansions for celebrities for over 50 years. I’ll be retiring after I complete this last home, but here is my dilemma. I am currently starting construction on the home of a well known movie star that I won’t name. He has doesn’t remember me, but I remember him because we went to the same high school and he teased and bullied me unmercifully. Should I tell him how he made me feel, or do something crazy to his home?
Signed, C
From Beverly Hills, California
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Dear C,
Talking out your problems with a onetime adversary is often very therapeutic. But getting even with them usually speeds up the healing process. As the general contractor, your options are limitless. For starters, you can put all the light switches in all the rooms, just a foot off the ground, while putting all the outlets on the ceiling. You can have all of the doors made out of Styrofoam, and have the entire home devoid of bathrooms. However, if your conscience won’t allow you do the things I suggested, then build the house exactly as you were contracted to do. But leave an inconspicuous small hole on the outside just in case you change your mind, where you can insert a tube to fill the walls with either termites or fertilizer. I hope this helps.
Blake