Dear Blake,
My husband and I are in our early 50s and married for nine years. I hate to say this, but the way he dresses embarrasses me to tears, and it’s hurting our relationship.
Is it acceptable for a man to wear tights and nothing else? I’m not talking yoga pants; I mean ballerina dancer sheer tights that leave NOTHING to the imagination. He mainly wears them in our garage (where people who drive by can see), but lately I’ve caught him standing talking to neighbors like that. Am I overreacting by telling him he can’t wear things like that outside the house? If it isn’t the tights, it’s skin-tight biker-type shorts or shorts made from a mesh material that shows it ALL if there’s a light source behind him.
We have gone rounds over this almost daily. He promises he will stop, but it’s only a matter of hours before he’s back in costume. Is it OK to wear things like that now? I don’t see women wearing tights that show off as much as his do. I’m at the point I want to gather up all offending clothing and head to the dumpster. If you say let him wear what he wants, I will, and I will keep my eyes and mouth shut.
Signed, Bernadette
From Long Island, New York
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Dear Bernadette,
What your husband is doing is odd to say the least. The only thing you can do, is try to dress in a manner that embarrasses him, and maybe then he’ll be willing to negotiate. Here are some suggestions. Try dressing really gothic, including black lipstick. If that doesn’t get his attention (if you’re not African-American) wear black face, and tell everyone your husband is forcing you to look that way… until he gets beat up. Or, you can tell him you believe he is a crossdresser, and you’re going to do the same thing. Then start dressing like a man, including wearing a phony beard, and saying idiotic obscene things to attractive women. You might want to even start wearing attire as if you just walked off the set of the 1960’s sitcom “Green Acres”. And even if you’re invited to a formal function, wear coveralls. But it’s entirely possible that your husband is wearing those sheer tights because he likes the ballet. In that case, take him to see Swan Lake… and the drown him. I hope this helps.
Blake