Dear Blake,
I am a 34-year-old woman. I live in a ground floor unit in an apartment complex with my terrier-collie mix, who is a very good judge of character.
An elderly neighbor has a habit of walking his German shepherd by my unit. My dog does not like the man and barks ferociously every time he hears them. What unsettles me is that something seems off about him, and his behavior is becoming intrusive.
The couple of times he has seen me outside, he has asked me if I live “all alone” or comments that he “hasn’t seen my boyfriend around in a long time.” He peers into my window when he walks and lingers, despite my growling and snarling dog. I tried closing the blinds, but now he comes to my door and knocks. I haven’t answered because he makes me feel unsafe.
I want to confront him, but I’m not sure what to say. It’s also happening right in front of the building I live in, which makes me nervous. What should I do?
Signed, Celine
From Santa, Monica
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Dear Celine,
To see the least, that man’s behavior is bazaar. The most reasonable thing to do is for you to take actions that will make him want to avoid you like the plague. Consider some of the following ideas. The next time he peers through your window, open it quickly and pour some boiling water in his face while asking him if he wants a haircut after you give him a shave? Because he has a “German” shepherd, he might be a wanted Nazi war criminal, and in that case, contact some living World War II vets that might enjoy brutally beating him up, assuming they can walk and are still coherent. To make him reluctant about ever knocking on your front door again, the next time he does it, act like you think he’s your ex-husband, let him hear adjusting a shot gun as you shout, “You’re late on child support again? When I open this door, I’m gonna blow you away!” And finally, that old man may be a lot creepier than you imagine. If you ever seeing him walking at night, following him to see if he regularly hangs out in cemeteries. If he does, if I were you, I’d move, and I would be even more scared if he smelled like embalming cologne. Yikes!!!! I hope this helps.
Blake