Dear Blake,
I have been seeing this woman for almost a year. The relationship is serious, and I want her to meet my family. She wants to invite them over for dinner, and here lies the problem. She is the worst cook on the planet! Everything she cooks is awful but I don’t have the heart to tell her. What should I do?
Signed, Enrique
From Toledo, Ohio
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Dear Enrique,
Introducing a new woman to a family can often by a very memorable experience. But having them all rushed to the hospital to have their stomachs pumped is probably not the best thing on the first meeting. Maybe you should tell her indirectly that the meals she prepares are pathetic. Try this, tell her after she comes home from work one day, that you gave some of her leftovers to a starving homeless man, and after tasting it, he threw it down and continued looking for scraps of food in a dumpster. Or while eating one of her meals, ask her if she’s ever been charged with attempted murder. Before letting your family members appear to become Guinea pigs in an unsupervised scientific experiment, you must warn them! So, as they walk in the door, respectfully state that you want them to sign a waiver that releases your girlfriend from all liability, just in case before the evening is over they end up in a cold refrigerated room with tags on their toes. I hope this helps.
Blake
You sir have a vivid imagination and a I would suspect your advice could get you 5 to life in prison. LOL