Dear Blake,
Several months after we met, my partner asked me to move into her home. That was three years ago. She told me she had a son who was living with her, but that he would soon be moving into his own place. I have never loved anyone the way I do her, but her son is a different story.
What she didn’t tell me before I moved in was that he is 37 years old and hasn’t worked more than three weeks in his life. He is not physically or mentally disabled. In fact, he is extremely bright in the tech field. He is totally dependent on his mother to pay for everything, including his car. He buys nothing.
She gives him a hefty “allowance” for doing her yardwork. He has no shame about being a slacker, and she keeps saying she wants him out on his own, but she sets no deadlines. I want her to set a departure date. Her son has to grow up, get a job and move out six months after that, just as my daughter and son both did. They now have families and are economically sound.
I want my partner and me to have our own home together. She’s pushing marriage, and I’m thinking I should use my head and move back to Florida. I have no security here and I do not want any responsibility for him. Any advice?
Signed, Walter
From Rochester, New York
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Dear Walter,
It sounds like your partner’s freeloading son is disrupting your life. You must somehow cut those apron strings and then use them to hogtie and ship out that lazy loser. If you want your partner’s son out, consider some of these ideas. If he has a girlfriend, constantly compliment her on how pretty she is while rarely complimenting your girlfriend on her appearance. When your partner tells her son that his girlfriend is no longer welcome, he’ll likely angrily respond “Neither am I!” and then pack up and leave… problem solved. Or, secretly have her son demand that his allowance gets doubled. If she agrees, then later have him ask for the new amount to be doubled. Once your partner gets tired of working two full time jobs to meet his financial needs, she’ll happily give him the boot. This idea might shame him into leaving. Have your employed financially stable kids come over, and have them repeatedly ask him in front of your partner, about what it feels like to be a bum, and if his father is as worthless as he is? My final option is this. Go back to Florida and encourage your girlfriend to come live with you. If her son later shows up wanting a place to stay, tell him you will allow it, only after he has been employed at the same place for at least two years. If he comes back after two years later ready to move in, don’t let him. And if your partner says you’re not being fair, kicker her out, telling her she is at least twice as stupid as he is. if not three times. I hope this helps.
Blake