Dear Blake,
I love both my parents so much, but I’m definitely closer to my dad. He has been there for me through it all, and now that I’m older, I want to be the best daughter possible to him.
Here’s the issue: Dad was older when I came along, and he’s impatient for grandkids. I’m 20 and on the pre-med track in college, and my career path will make me a very busy individual for years to come. Because of this, I planned to postpone having kids until later on. I want to be able to spend time with them and be an involved parent.
But doing the math, Dad would be in his 70s by the time I had a child, and I’m worried he won’t be able to see them grow up. He says he deserves to have grandkids sooner rather than later and has assured me that he’ll take care of them for me so I can work. I feel so torn. I want to make sure he gets to meet his grandkids, but I also feel it would be unfair to them if I can’t spend time with them. What should I do?
Signed, Selena
From Atlantic City, New Jersey
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Dear Selena,
Many dads have a longing to ultimate become a grandfather. In this case, his request is unreasonable, and you should feel compelled to make him so nervous, that he’s changing his depends, hourly. Check out some of these suggestions. Find a well known neighborhood loser and start dating him. It won’t be long before your father will be begging you to get your tubes tied, or secretly offer to pay for your “boyfriend’s” vasectomy, along with some additional spending cash if he’ll leave the country. Or, you can tell him that you don’t plan on getting married anytime soon, but you are willing to go to the nearest sperm bank and purchase some of their cheapest samples that they plan on throwing away in the near future. And possibly, this idea. Explain to him how mindless and disrespectful teenagers can be, and by not having kids, you’re saving him from the guilt he may have about constantly fantasizing about hiring a hitman. But if he still insists that he wants a grandchild, then try this. Tell him to give you all of the phone numbers of his male friends that he admires, and you’ll narrow it down to ten. Explain then that you plan on dating at least one of them every day, until you take a pregnancy test that confirms that you’re finally knocked-up. It will probably be at that point when your dad insists that you immediately become a nun. I hope this helps.
Blake