Dear Blake,
My wonderful boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year and a half. We have lived together almost since Day One. He’s planning a trip back home to visit family and take care of some business deals. I will not be going with him on this trip. When he returns, his mother will be coming with him. The issue is, there’s no definite return date for her. She overstayed her welcome in the past (before we were together) and turned a two-week stay into seven months.
I have made clear to my boyfriend that I do not want her staying longer than two weeks, which he is fine with, so I’m not the wicked witch here. I just don’t know how to nicely broach the subject with her and convey that we would like her visit to be on the brief side.
How can this subject be brought up without hurting anyone’s feelings? I want to be able to enjoy time with her while she’s here, not worry about when she’ll leave.
Signed, Gala
From Kenosha, Wisconsin
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Dear Gala,
Being tactful toward your potential mother-in-law is a very respectful thing for you to do. But you should also be very aggressive in regards to showing that old bat the front door… and pushing her through it once she wears out her welcome. Here are some ideas. Don’t let her in without her confirming that she has a round trip ticket. If she doesn’t have one, give her a list of park benches she can sleep on until she has reserved a flight that’s no more than two weeks away. Or, put her to work when she arrives, and have her clock-in. Warn her that if she is ever late or takes an unauthorized long lunch, she’ll be immediately fired and escorted out of the facility/your home. Or this idea. Treat her like an inmate in a prison, and keep her locked up in a room for 23 hours a day. If she complains about that, then only give her three meals per week. And finally, this last idea. Replace her mattress with some hay. If she has a problem with that, remind her what nativity scenes look like, accuse her of being a heretic, and then demand that she leaves, because you are uncomfortable being around people that are obviously destined for hell. I hope this helps.
Blake