Dear Blake,
We have a family wedding coming later this year that we’re all very happy about. We are, however, concerned about one family member’s drinking. This person already has a “larger than life” personality that is amplified when they drink. The bride’s family has, for several reasons, chosen not to have an open bar. A limited selection of alcohol will be offered.
Our concern is this family member will become loud, disruptive and embarrassing. Should we address this ahead of time with the family member, which will be uncomfortable, but will hopefully head off a disruption at the reception? Or should we cross our fingers and take our chances that they will realize they should be on their best behavior?
Signed, Franklin
From Jackson, Mississippi
* * * * * * * *
Dear Franklin,
Sometimes relatives can be extremely insensitive and disruptive. This larger than life person should be chopped down to size, and every member of your family should come to the wedding wielding an axe. Anyway, here are some suggestions. Don’t let him unless he agrees to wear a shock collar, and anytime he says something and his words are either loud or slurred, he should be given about 50,000 volts. Serve him some very light alcohol that is mixed with a sedative, so halfway through the reception he’ll be sleeping rather than shouting. Or, you can sneak a laxative into his food to insure that he spends most of his time sitting down, staring at the door in one of the stalls in the bathroom. And finally, make a preemptive strike. Warn him ahead of time that if he becomes intoxicated, that there is going to be second wedding, and it will be him marrying a local drag queen that secretly has had a crush on him for years. I hope this helps.
Blake