Dear Blake,
My husband is a thoughtful, kind person and an excellent partner. Raised in the South, we were both taught to call people “ma’am” and “sir.” Instead of reserving these terms only for older or more distinguished people, he uses them with everyone, including when speaking to our peers (we are in our early 40s). I have noticed that it’s off-putting to some of my female friends when he refers to them as “Ms. (first name)” or “ma’am.” They feel he’s calling them old compared to himself, which I know is not his intention.
I’ve mentioned this to him a few times, but it’s a habit he is finding hard to break. I don’t want to hurt his feelings by constantly harping on something that seems insignificant, but I also want him to stop being quite so polite. Have you any advice for getting around this?
Signed, Mona
From San Jose, California
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Dear Mona,
I understand your husband’s culture and I believe what he is doing is harmless and out of respect. But if your thin-skinned self-absorbed friends can’t see that, then maybe he should start calling them some names that will have those ladies wishing they never would’ve brought the subject up. Here are option. If you have any female friends that have never been married, have him call them “Miss Spinster”, and also encourage them by saying men their age usually lower their standards considerably, so hope for finally snagging a husband is not lost. If any of them appear to be overweight, he should call them “Miss Second Helping” for obvious reasons. If any of them women are slender, he should call them “Miss Excessive Fasting”, again for obvious reasons. But if he wants to maintain his southern perspective and not flinch when those babbling bimbos complain, the next time one of them takes exception to him calling them “ma’am” he should quote Rhett Butler from “Gone With The Wind” and say, “Frankly my dear”… well you know the rest. I hope this helps.
Blake