Dear Blake,
My 80-year-old mother has always been “difficult.” She’s always the victim/martyr and creates drama by fabricating lies, spreading half-truths and embellishing. I have very little contact with her (maybe a text once a month). During a recent physical examination, she was screened for dementia. She passed every test with flying colors.
I am retired, and my husband will be retiring soon. We are considering moving out of state, but I am getting a lot of pushback about it from her friends and a few extended family members. I feel my husband and I have worked hard and deserve to retire wherever we see fit.
How do I respond to people trying to heap guilt on me for “abandoning my elderly parent”? I would like a snappy comeback to their comments.
Signed, Loretta
From Denver, Colorado
* * * * * * * *
Dear Loretta,
I’m sorry that your mother’s behavior has put you in an awkward position. So you want some snappy responses/comments that will keep your nosy boneheaded friends at bay? Ok, here ya go. Tell the next person that’s critical of you about moving, that your mother couldn’t stand them, and just bringing their name up causes her blood pressure to get so high that it causes her veins to visually vibrate. If they are genuinely concerned, tell them to let your mother move in with them. But first they have to sign a document, promising not to let her behavior get to them to the point that they are tempted to throw her out of the second story window of their house, if not the off the roof. Or, tell them you got tired of her flying out of town without telling you and your husband where she was going, so you had to confiscate all of her brooms. But if you simply want to resolve this with your mother, then do this. Be upfront and tell your mother, that you are putting her in a nursing home. And then promise to return once she has full blown dementia, so when you leave a second time and never come back, it won’t be an issue. I hope this helps.
Blake