Dear Blake,
I need help! I don’t know how to tell my wife of 21 years that her breath smells awful. I really miss our passionate kissing. I just can’t get past the smell of her breath. How can I tell her without hurting her feelings?
Signed, George
From Orlando, Florida
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Dear George,
You obviously have to be very mindful of emotionally damaging you wife. You also have to be mindful of you being forced to gasp for air, as if you are on the battlefields and the enemy launched a chemical attack. Here are some hints you can drop on how to deal with her. If you have plants in your house, anytime she is breathing near them, after she walks away, replace those plants with some wilted ones, and maybe when she sees them again, she’ll make the connection. Or see if she’ll take the hint regarding her garlic-like breath, that say to your wife, anytime you’re near her, you’re never concerned about being attacked Dracula or other vampires. Or, how about this idea. When you’re at home, anytime she talks in your direction, request that she puts on a surgical mask, and tell her she can remove it only when she’s not talking. If all other attempts fail, this last one should do it. Fall to the ground in her presence, and act like you need mouth-to-mouth to breathe. As she approaches you, tell her to get someone else, because you don’t want die from inhaling deadly fumes. I hope this helps.
Blake