Dear Blake,
My husband, who is in his 60s, wears a baseball cap all day, every day, to hide a bald spot on the back of his head. He has worn that same dirty cap for two years and even wears it to work. He wears it in the house and only removes it when he is sleeping. I have suggested he wash it or replace it, but he refuses and he makes a tsk-tsk noise when I tell him I don’t think it’s healthy to wear something filthy on your head for two years. Your thoughts.
Signed, Lana
From New York City, New York’
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Dear Lana,
So your husband doesn’t want to stop wearing that grungy rag on his head. In this case, flip the script, and you show him what real filth is! Here are some ideas. Refuse to serve him a meal on clean dishes, and tell him he can take comfort knowing that food poisoning isn’t always fatal. Stop changing the sheets or pillow cases. Get the linen to the point that if you sprinkle some grass seeds on them, it’ll grow. Or, cut the bib off his cap when he sets it down at night, so when he puts it back on, it’ll look like a Yamaka. Hopefully after that, he’ll get tired of people assuming that he’s Jewish when they keep on asking him about what’s going on in the middle east, and restaurant owners constantly assuming that he wants kosher items on the menu. If none of those work, try this last one. Tell him you read in a medical magazine that wearing a dirty cap too often can overheat a person’s brain cells. And then add that the frequency he has decided to wears his, suggests that his brain cells range from being slightly burnt to tiny charcoal briquettes. I hope this helps.
Blake