Dear Blake,
My stepson “Ryan” is an active senior in high school. He’s a great kid, and I love him. I’m proud and delighted that he says he loves my home-cooked meals, which he doesn’t get at his mother’s house. They eat a lot of takeout or premade foods. Not everyone likes to cook, so I don’t judge.
My concern is Ryan eats his food at an alarming speed, especially if it’s something soft, like lasagna or casseroles. His plate is nearly finished before anyone else has more than a couple bites of theirs. I don’t want to shame or embarrass him, but it seems unhealthy for his digestion and possibly even dangerous with certain foods. It’s also very unpleasant to watch.
Last night, Ryan inhaled an entire enchilada in two or three bites swallowed whole. He didn’t chew once. My husband will gently tell Ryan to slow down if I give him a well-timed look. Otherwise, he seems unfazed by it. Ryan frequently eats most of a serving dish of something if we don’t point out that others might want seconds, too.
I hesitate to make a big deal out of it because he’s a great kid, and my husband is a wonderful father, outside of not teaching his son good eating habits. Ryan was a chubby little boy, but has become tall and lean after a huge growth spurt. I feel bad saying this, but I’m grossed out and worried at the same time. Your guidance is appreciated.
Signed, Myra
From Orlando, Florida
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Dear Myra,
It’s great that your stepson enjoys your cooking. But there are some steps you can take to slow down that Mesozoic monster. Here are some ideas for your consideration. Start serving portions of his food in duct taped Tupperware, and make sure it’s each container is sealed well enough that’ll take him a few minutes to open them. This will automatically create minutes in between gulps. Or, serve him only frozen food, which will extend his meal time. And make his eating utensil is an ice pick, which will require a lot effort to gouge out some bite size portions. If you think shaming your stepson will force him to eat at a more human pace, while he’s eating, play in surround sound, lions eating a zebra, and pump up the volume when muscles and limbs are savagely being ripped apart. And lastly, consider this idea. Closely monitor him at night when there’s a full moon, because there may be another reason on why he eats the way he does. And if you’re still alive after he catches you spying on him late at night during the full moon, then my theory was way off. I hope this helps.
Blake