Dear Blake,
My lifelong friend is bipolar. She refuses to get counseling but does take medication. While I try to be compassionate and encouraging, she has morphed into a complete drama queen. If she has a headache, she is sure it’s brain cancer. If she has a hangnail, it will undoubtedly require amputation. She excels at constant whining. I can’t just turn my back on her, but sometimes I have had my fill of “poor me.” Am I being a horrible friend?
Signed, Ralph
From Wilmington, Delaware
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Dear Ralph,
Even though your friend is bipolar, I can understand you being irritated at her over the top medical conclusions. In my opinion, the only thing you can do to combat her stupidity, is for you to have some medical conclusions that’s even more extreme, and maybe that’ll shut her down and shut her up. Here are some suggestions. Tell her you recently found some extra hair on the back of your hand, so you believe you are turning into a werewolf and she should avoid being around you during a full moon, unless she wants to be dismembered by your fangs and claws. Or, if you’re slightly overweight, tell her that you don’t have pot belly, you think you’re pregnant, and you’re not even sure who the mother is. Or this one. Let her see you scratching your scalp a lot, and tell her it’s probably because you’re a Martian and you’re starting to grow some antennas. And this last idea. Tell her you are gradually going deaf and blind, so she has to repeat things to you at least 20 times, and she must write her words down on a 24 x 36 poster board so you can read them. But at least this time if she complains about her writing hand getting a cramp, you’ll know for sure that the diagnosis is accurate. I hope this helps.
Blake