BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois – Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr., is currently trying to work out a plea deal with the U.S. Justice Department to avoid prison time. So far, he has agreed to resign as congressman and turn over a list of all the large companies that Jesse Jackson, Sr. plans on extorting donations from after making bogus claims of racism. He is also considering giving the Justice Department the names and addresses of all of his father’s illegitimate children that are scattered throughout the United States.