BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Vice President Joe Biden is pictured taking the oath of office with his hand on a very thick bible. The holy book was so big because of all the amendments and modifications made to the scriptures, that was written jointly by the DNC and ACLU. According to the two liberal organizations, the purpose of the revision is to teach God how to be more progressive in his mindset, and to not be so intolerant of socially acceptable sins.