BREAKING NEWS – North Pole, Alaska – Five elf kingpins representing the most powerful rival toy making cartels near Santa’s Village have been arrested, charged with racketeering and murder. At a press conference, the Anchorage U.S. Attorney states that they have overwhelming evidence that all five them have been regularly ordering “hits” on rival members of opposing cartels. The elves were also charged with conspiracy to commit murder, after they were recorded during one of their rare peaceful meetings, discussing killing some of the top executives at Parker Brothers, Hasbro, and Mattel.
