BREAKING NEWS – Cupertino, California – Apple Computers CEO Timothy D. Cook, announces that they will be selling their latest product sometime in the fall. In the past they have had iPads and iPhones, and now they will soon be marketing their new “iKnuckles”. The very lightweight gadget pound for pound is 50 times stronger than steel. It can be used to access the internet, as well as being a formidable defense weapon. Cook explained that with one punch, you can easily knock a person’s teeth out and or fracture their skull, and afterwards be able to check your email. The product was created to assist high school geeks in dealing with arrogant bullies.