BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The Smithsonian’s National Museum of Natural History and archaeologists announce that they have found the first solid archaeological evidence that some of the earliest American colonists at Jamestown, Va., survived harsh conditions by turning to cannibalism. Smithsonian forensic anthropologist Douglas Owsley stated that the way bodies were “chopped up” strongly suggests they were to be consumed. He said they also discovered a cookbook that dated back to 1620, that had recipes called “seasoned settlers”, “Mayflower stew”, and “pilgrim pot pie”.