BREAKING NEWS – Trenton, New Jersey – Governor Chris Christie announces that he secretly underwent gastric band surgery in February to try to lose weight at the urging of his family. His spokesman Michael Drewniak, told the Associated Press that the New Jersey Governor’s decision to have the surgery has nothing to do with a possible presidential bid in 2016, but it was because his family members were exhausted from being in rotating 24 hour shifts armed with assault weapons at home, guarding the refrigerator and pantry.