BREAKING NEWS – Boston Massachusetts – Cemeteries in Boston that have refused to bury the body of Boston Marathon bomber Tamerlan Tsarnaev, have now agreed to chip in equally and ship him back to Russia, in pieces. Because there are 17 cemeteries within the city, Tsarnaev is scheduled to be cut into 17 equal portions, and then mailed to Moscow. However, his head will remain in the United States because it was removed, hollowed out, and is currently being used at an undisclosed location as bird feeder.