BREAKING NEWS РLos Angeles, California РABC has announced that it has signed Julian Paul Assange editor-in-chief of WikiLeaks to be a contestant on Dancing with the Stars next season. 

According to an unnamed source at ABC, all three judges were in agreement that the video of Assange reflected that he was by far the worst dancer that they had ever seen. They also nervously added, they would not be giving him any low scores, because he threatened to publicly release some embarassing personal information about each of them if they did.