BREAKING NEWS – Silver Spring, Maryland – Discovery Channel’s Shark Week, a highly-anticipated week of all-sharks-all-the-time programming, will be addressing the dramatic increase of shark attacks. After a series of tests, marine biologists and oceanographers agree it is because of suntan oil. They are now convinced that sharks look at suntan oil smeared on humans, the same way a human looks at A-1 sauce smeared on a steak. The scientists also concluded, that the majority of the attacks worldwide happen offshore near Hong Kong, because these voracious maneaters seem to enjoy Chinese food.