BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – From Obamaphones to “Obamawidescreen-tvs”, the Democrats in Congress are planning on distributing millions of free televisions before the 2014 elections. All households that qualify will have to sign a contract, mandating them to watch at least three hours of news on MSNBC every week day, and five hours total for each weekend. All recipients of the televisions will have a camera mounted on the top of each screen and will be closely monitored by the NSA to insure that the obligation is fulfilled. And anyone that breaches the contract will forfeit all of their tax refunds until 2016.