BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – According to the Uniform Crime Reports from the FBI and the National Crime Victimization Survey from the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the bible is still the most shoplifted book in America. The ACLU is now encouraging all of the major bible publishers to remove the eighth commandment (thou shall not steal) from future printings, so that thieves seeking the “truth” don’t feel self conscience about the crime they committed. Many theologians responded by saying that they genuinely believe that members of the ACLU with this type of imbecilic logic, will probably be residing in the hottest parts of hell.