BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – President Obama announces that he will go on with his plans to close Guantanamo Bay, and send the detainees to the Island of Misfit Toys. The outspoken leader “Charlie-in-the-Box” who has repeatedly denounced the idea, tells the current residents that he is comfortable and hopeful that “these radical lunatics” will freeze to death within a week, after having to pray in the snow three times a day.