BREAKING NEWS – Duluth, Minnesota – As much of the country digs out from a powerful winter storm that buried parts of the Northeast, tundra-like temperatures are poised to deliver a rare and potentially dangerous blow to the Midwest, with forecasters predicting a near-record or historic cold outbreak. The “polar vortex,” as one meteorologist calls it, is expected to send cold air piled up at the North Pole down to the U.S., funneling it as far south as the Gulf Coast and driving temperatures below freezing for most of the nation. Global warming spokesman Al Gore, states that the cold temperatures are fraudulent, and he soon plans to produce evidence that confirms thermometers nationwide are currently being rigged to discredit him by republicans and close friends of his ex-wife.
