BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The Drug Enforcement Administration has now adjusted the annual production quota of medical marijuana that can be produced by the University of Mississippi and sold to citizens of the state. The dramatic increase is due to thousands of people that are now applying daily to acquire medical marijuana cards, as a way to cope with a recent publicized report that their state is an average of 50 years behind in technology compared to the rest of the country. According to the report, the majority of the people that live in Mississippi communicate regularly through public pay phones, half of the residents have never heard of the internet, and the Foot Locker recently closed their last store in the state, because very few students from kindergarten to 12th grade wear shoes to school.