BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel testified before the House Armed Services Committee on Capitol Hill trying to explain and defend the prisoner swap of five Taliban leaders for American Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl. The Armed Services Committee unanimously rejected his analysis that this type of trading goes on all the time at professional sports franchises, so it’s no big deal. Hagel later sought the opportunity to defend the prisoner exchange on ESPN, but they shunned his request citing that it would violate their longstanding rule, which is only dumb ex-jocks that they hired as announcers are allowed to say really stupid things on the air.