BREAKING NEWS – Noginsk, Russia – Due to the recent U.S. sanctions against Russia because of the invasion of Ukraine, they are no longer receiving washers and dryers made in America, thus their version of NASA now has to use clothes lines to dry out wet space suits. Also the production of vodka has dropped dramatically since many of the ingredients used, were imported from the United States. Because citizens are now being deprived of their most popular alcohol, Russian policeman have stated that there has been a sharp increase in traffic accidents, since countless people have been forced to drive around sober.