BREAKING NEWS – Carlsbad, California – Dana Fiser the CEO of Jenny Craig plans on reaching out to an untapped demographic in the very near future, specifically the occult. The international health club plans on marketing their services all over the United States to overweight zombies, by building new health clubs near McDonald’s, Burger King, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. Fiser explained that her decision was based on the compelling statistics that humans are attacked and devoured the most often as they are waddle out of fast food restaurants, because somehow zombies instinctively know that people that regularly gorge at those places can’t run very fast.
